21 August 2006

At Wit's End

This guy just doesn't get me. Sure, he made a few observations that hit the mark but he managed to miss "getting" a good idea of who I really am and what the fuck was going on. I desperately wanted to defend myself but decided not to. I just thought that it's pointless to expend my energy on it when I have this feeling that he's pretty darn pleased with himself for having pegged me. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't a jerk about it. He was actually pretty nice and honest about the whole thing.

300% my ass. Heh. To be clear, he said that I beat around the bush and I read too much into everything.

On beating around the bush.

Isn't it normal for a girl to be less-candid when vulnerable? I was just being careful not to let him know how I feel, more than he already does anyway, especially since he has responded indifferently when he found out. And I'm trying to tip-toe around him because I don't want him to feel threatened.

On assuming too much.

How much is too much? I thought the reason behind questions, leading or not, are to find answers to either defy or validate an outstanding theory. Plus, during the instances that I have indeed "assumed", these assumptions were based on words [text] and general treatment received from the person.

Hmmm. I can't help but wonder what the hell we're doing then. Getting to know each other as friends? Hahaha. Now, that's a bit ironically funny, don't you think? [note the sarcasm]

This guy knows that I like him. He knows I wanted him to like me, too. And I'm left in the dark as to how he feels about me. All I know is he likes talking to me. Nice.

Do you see the kind of predicament I'm in? How would you feel if you were in my shoes?

I desperately wanted to understand. I want to continue on getting to know him. But he's not actually making it easy for me. To be frank, I'm scared to write these thoughts down right now cuz it may put a nail on my coffin. I wouldn't want him mad at me since I like him. So, here I am, choosing my words carefully. Heh.

Why do I even bother? Oh, yea --- because I like him. I really do. But it doesn't really matter now, does it?

I should just forget about him because he doesn't care about me and he actually said something that can be easily translated to, "No, Sasha. I'm really NOT interested in you, in fact, I'm letting you know that I'm still looking for her." It wasn't like he was being straight-forward about it, right? Well, anyway... Can you guess how I took it? Well, with just enough class [if any at all] that I can muster. Hell, it hurt a lot but what else can I do?

Ah, well. I guess I've dug my own grave. There are good risks and there are bad risks. Unfortunately, this bad one just happen to have costed a piece of my heart.


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