31 May 2006

It's not a game

"Are you seeing anyone right now?" A friend asked me a few days ago.

Well, you already know the answer to that question. A big, flat "No". Heh.

He continued to tell me that he was going out here and there but no one serious. [Note: I used to go out with him a few months back.] I merely asked out of politeness, really. Hahaha. I wasn't really interested. Damn small talks. Bleh. Perhaps I should talk about the weather next time he chats me up. Hahaha.

Anyway, answering that question now doesn't bring any ill-feelings about the situation. I don't mind that I'm not actively dating. Why? I simply realised that I can't be bothered with dating anyone who doesn't excite or even interest me in any way.

Okay, for the sake of argument, I'll raise the point that some if not most 'daters' consider why they pursue and thrive in the scene -- Finding the perfect mate.

Sure, if you continue to date, you open yourself to all possibilities of finding him or her. It's like a process of elimination. It's like you're giving Fate a hand in bringing yourself to your perfect mate. But you see -- I agree with all that.

The thing is, I haven't turned my back from dating. I'm just not going out of my way to date, you know what I mean?

Someone told me yesterday that he's speculating that the reason why I don't have a man in my life is because I'm not coming off as accommodating, i.e. being too picky.

Whaa--?! Does he mean that anyone who applies some sort of standard in choosing the person he or she dates is too picky?

I sure hope not!

Hmmm.. I'm merely adapting the concept of letting guys know that if you're only asking me out to get into the game then I'll turn you down flat because I have no interest whatsoever in playing. Is that too much to ask from a guy? If it is then I'm not the right person for him.

I guess all I'm saying is, I will go out with a guy if he asks me nicely -- meaning he genuinely likes me and is considering a relationship if he finds that we have chemistry. He's also on the look out for the 'spark' and will let himself fall for me, granted that it'll get to that level.

It doesn't have to happen all at once, it doesn't even have to happen at all. I guess the difference lie in the intention, I reckon. Again I ask, that's not too much, right?

21 May 2006

Back to regular programming...

I haven't written an entry in a while. I apologise. I don't want to justify my actions but allow me to try and explain what's been going on.

There is zero activity in my love life. Hahaha.

That basically sums it up, right? What can write about if there's nothing going on? Okay. I'm guilty of being extra occupied with my other blogs and most of my thoughts on love and dating are diverted to Dating Dames. However, I have to admit I can't really pour my heart out in that blog. I write about things I learn about the matter from other people, random situations and, yea, a bit of research. It's more of technical writing than anything else.

Like what I said earlier, I want to keep this blog because this documents my journey in discovering love in the dating scene. I'm actually hoping that one day I'd get to share with you guys that I met someone or even tell you that I've finally fallen in love once again. Bleh. Nothing happening in the area. I'm not holding my breath. Hahaha.

I've come a full circle once again. I now find myself numb to the whole love thing. If I'm going to be honest, I'm more consumed with anger and hatred -- the cause isn't in anyway related to my love life, though. Heh. Don't ask. I don't want to talk about it.

Recap: What happened with the crush I mentioned before --- uh, well -- it sizzled for, like, a couple of minutes then died a natural death. I'm not heartbroken or anything. I knew nothing will ever come out of it. I'm actually a little annoyed with the guy mainly because of how the discussion got "dropped" but come to think of it, I don't care. Really. I don't even mind if we don't speak to each other anymore. But I know that's going to be a little difficult so I'm taking the "avoid him at all cost until I can't help it" route. Hehehe.

I'll try to get in touch with my romantic side even if I'm not actively dating. You can tolerate even a cynical romantic, right? I guess this is my way of warning you that I might be writing stuff that will come off as crass and argumentative. Hey, give it a chance. I might find it useful in a way. You wouldn't know, I just might learn to be optimistic about the whole thing again and once I get the angst out of my system, I'll be sharing some sweet and poignant stories, too. Ack. The thought gives me goose pimples. I shudder in disgust. Hahaha.