10 March 2006

As the walls come down...

I don't feel like thinking cuz my thoughts turn to you. I don't feel like feeling, scared of what I'd find out and they might get out of hand.

Your words resound in my brain and I have this strange feeling that you're hearing my thoughts.

Do I dare ask God if you're the one? I want to but I fear the disappointment a "No" can bring.

What sadness have I known that can create such a void in me? Talking to you came effortlessly. Wondering if it were a dream and I merely fantasized knowing you. There were moments when I wished that if it were a dream then let me sleep forever.

We're thousands of miles apart yet I forget how far that really is.

Do you wake up and think about me? My mind tells me to stop this foolishness cuz you don't. I'm confused by what I'm feeling. I do like you and I've seen a part of you that I can only wish for. I had to always remind myself that no matter how much I want to continue relishing on the bubble of a world I've created for you and I, I can't. You're not mine and never will be.

He will come soon, like you said. It's just sad that he can't be you.

I long to share this with the rest of the world. I want them to know about you but too afraid to let the walls go down. I refuse to be vulnerable. I've never felt so powerless and disappointed in my entire life.

I like you. I really do. I wish that you didn't tell me that I had an effect on you. I wish I didn't know you liked me even just a little. But for a fraction of a minute, hearing you say you liked me, all was right with the world. All the pain I've gone through in the past had faded into nothing. But reality stepped in, normalcy was set up and then a good-bye. Fate and time are on your side, for that I'm glad. Glad cuz I know I don't fit in your world.

You'll never be the one who'll break my already broken heart. You won't be the one to piece them back together either and will never have the chance to hold them in your hands forever.

Let me be. Just catch my teardrops with your hand and walk away remembering my words, never think no one cares for you.

Finding Shelby

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