20 November 2006

A sense of calm

Slowly --- everything's settling in. It's alarming, somehow.

It's terrifying in a way cuz most of it seems... new.

This feeling of being safe with someone is so new that my cynical mind wants to reject it. It scares me to the point of wanting to push him away and bolt. I must be crazy. Most women would kill to be with someone who'd make them feel secure. And, here I am, resisting. Gah.

I often find myself wondering if I'm dreaming. I've grown accustomed to feeling empty and alone then suddenly there's this person who wants to be with me. ME.

Okay. That sounds a bit pathetic but, hey, most people, if not all, have their own set of insecurities. You have to admit, there are moments wherein you wonder about the same thing.

Is it possible that I can actually bring myself to open my heart to this guy? It seems that with each day I spend with him passes, I'm finding myself warming to the idea of letting him be part of my life more and more. It's scary.

I can't help but think that it's too good to be true. And I've heard it said that if that's the case, then it usually is. What if it's true? What if I'm only setting myself to getting my heart broken again? Am I ready to risk that?

I reckon, like most people, he deserves a fair chance. From experience, it's best to give them that much. He treats me right. He makes me happy --- and that's saying a lot. And he has a certain, unexplainable way of quieting my fears down. It's surreal.

Go on --- you can tell me that I'm just being idiotic and, not to mention, paranoid about the whole thing. Tsssch.

It's funny whenever I see myself writing sappy stuff. Yech. I guess you guys have to get use to it for a bit. Heehee.

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