Black & White vs. Gray

I guess we just had high expectations from each other. You cut me off the other night and I can surmiss it just means you don't want me around. And that hurt.

I thought we'd be really great friends or that there might have been something there. But you have your own principles and I just don't measure up to it.

I believe that friends all go through a period of seasoning. Misunderstandings, disappointments and all are part and parcel of it. Burning bridges should never be part of true friendships and I know you tend to do that. I know you will eventually learn that it isn't and that things are not just black and white, there's the gray area that's part of great friendships.

Well, I just wanted to say that I miss you.

Shrek

I was kinda sad over lunch, so I got myself a happy meal.

Got a myself a Shrek to serve as a constant reminder not to repeat the past three months of my life. Granted there were too many downsides, but I think it made me more seasoned and at least I know who my real friends are.

Oh well, that's life. Up and down, up and down we go. It's a crazy cycle I go through every other month. So this should be a good month coz it's been awful the past two months. Oh boy, here we go again.

I guess the happy meal worked coz I'm pretty happy right now. :)

Oh, Grow Up

I know I shouldn't be posting at this ungodly hour and considering the state I'm in, I really shouldn't.

I'm as chinky eyed as ever. I may have been crying the whole day, but I've not been depleted of my spunk. And just let me say this bit.

You think of yourself as too important. I'm sorry, but the bubble has been broken. I thought you were an awfully great person, but then they say that you'd really only know a person when they're put in crisis. And it was a crisis indeed.

You may gain the world and all its riches, but, remember, at the end of the day it's really how you relate to people that matter. Humility and caring for other people is key.

So be it.

I Give Up

All has been said, and nothing has been done.

I now fully realize that only I can truly protect myself. I know I brought this upon myself. Everyone makes bad judgments once in a while. Nobody's perfect.

It's been discussed. Dissected. Analyzed. Everyone gave their own opinion. But, you know, nobody bothered to ask if I was okay. I tried saying some things, but I was just cut off because someone wanted to say his opinion. Is this what our friendship is about?

I'm tired of this. You will probably say I'm severing so many friendships. I'm not, I just need time alone. Time with people that I can surely trust.

This will tide over, soon, maybe later. Who knows?

Well, this is goodbye, for now.

Believing, Trusting & Living on Second Chances

When I met this guy I held onto this quote,

"Once in a lifetime, you will find a special person who fills the void in your life and completes your soul. If you do, love that someone and never let go or you just might never get the chance again and lose that person forever."

Yea, I was foolish enough to believe in things like these. My views are simple, you see. I'm not the one who'd dream of a prince charming (though wouldn't mind it one bit if he turns out to be charming --- or a prince) but I long to be with someone who can share that same thought.

He may think I'm pushing him away wherein all I've ever felt is that I'm the only one holding on.

* * *
It's funny how we, sometimes, see things with full stops instead of with commas, semi-colons, or ellipses.

In this instance, I learned that life isn't a bunch of letters spanned over years of experience. It's how each finger finds its way to the next letter on the keyboard and thoughts that guide it.

I guess we all pay life the attention it had required only when we face the end of it. Sometimes, it's too late. But --- there are moments wherein it's at the nick of time. If you find yourself having experienced the latter, consider yourself fortunate. Know that you're still living on second chances. Now, you simply have got to learn to believe that you deserve it... and trust that everything will be alright.

Almost Goodbye

I know you are angry because you are disappointed over the issue. You didn't need to drive so fast to communicate that, it was quite obvious with your gestures. (And mind you, I was really scared you'd wrap the car around a post or something).

I appreciate it actually. I felt I had a knight in shining armor, but then it would be really great if you declared a stand. What's the deal?

But, you won't see me cry when you go. Because no amount of stolen glances (yes I catch you) will be enough to communicate what you should be telling me.

By the time you come back, I hope and I know I would've forgotten you by then.

Oh well, I guess it's almost time to say goodbye.

Revelations

You were so cute the other day. Acting the shocked little boy. Just goes to show you always try to see what's good in a person. But that's what really scares me because I know you'd be disappointed if you found out about it.

I didn't tell you before because I knew you'd be disappointed. I didn't know how you'd handle the whole truth. So I made a mistake. A bad judgment call and now it's being used against me. I'm not going to make any excuses for it. Shit happens and through the years I've learned to take things in stride. This is not the worst.

I'm not upset because this person is trying to ruin me. I'm upset because I saw how disappointed you were when I told you. It was exactly what I didn't want to happen.

I am not one to hide past indiscretions from someone who I think should know because I believe that you have to embrace and accept a person for what she is - past, present and future.

I guess this is the end of whatever it was that was starting to grow.

I Want Someone Like My Dad

I always ask, "How come they don't make guys like my Dad anymore?"

My Dad, he knows what he wants and he knows what to do to achieve his goal. I've never seen him hesitate for anything. The one and only time I saw him panic was when my Mom was sick.

I'd want to be with somebody who's like my dad. He might be traditional, stern, strict and old-style, but he's stable, dependable and he's loved my Mom for more than 50 years already (counting the time since they got together).

And if my Dad is not a good peg, then who is?