Conundrums. And a bit of kinky talk.

I know, I know.

My head's already messed up. My actions are astonishingly stupid. My feelings are playing with me.

I always thought it's over.

I have this certain belief that I carry, basically something I thought was definitive. It's like, I don't like this person anymore, and I couldn't care less about that person.

My feelings tell me otherwise. They contradict with such belief, such programmed notion I did encode myself.

What the fuck is my problem? My feelings give me irresolvable conundrums, more like a hodgepodge of crapshit writings, even the Rosetta Stone can't possibly decipher it. It's worse than some fucked up archaic matrix-like language.

They are riddles that even The Riddler or Marilyn vos Savant would find it difficult to comprehend. Even I, myself, am unable to resolve it.

And what's more fucked up? Okay, I always make a nonchalant impression to save myself from being caught utter consciously enamored and dumbfounded. I play the coy, shy, unusually indifferent twerp.

Truth is, I get this fantasy of doing things to reach out to that person, but I always, ALWAYS wind up not doing it. Don't get me wrong. Those things are platonic and malice-free. They're just subtle, friendly acts to keep the bonding alive. But hence, the bonding's dead. It's so dead and buried 6 feet (or more) below the ground. I horribly killed it, blew all the chances and efforts way.

Which by the way, makes me a beautiful loser. lol.

***

Sometimes you're engaged with someone for a bit of naughty conversation. Well, don't picture it as if I was trying to have sex using words.

It's just a simple kinky question I sometimes choose to answer (basically I dodge this kind of conversations. But if I'm comfortable with the asker, then be my guest).

What turns you (me) on?

Sorry to burst your bubble. It's not playthings, unicorns, pecs and shit.

It's the way a person play with words. Okay, no blatant, caustic lewdness involved. Y'know what's ugly from what's not. It's like separating the grain from the chaff.

I love it when a person say something sarcastic, risque or generally witty using his own mock-up of profundity. A statement that sounds so literary even if it's not meant to be that way.

And yeah, I love humor. A person with an odd sense of humor is a major turn on. -xx