Fear of Losing and Losing the Fear

Competition. Debate. Winning. I'd dare you to argue against anything I'd say and I'd applaud your boldness. I am, after all and modesty aside, quite gifted in that arena and add the fact that I'm a woman. You can never win an argument with a woman. Or so they say.

I'm not here to flaunt tailfeathers but to come to a realisation and put it in print. I've been overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions on the matter of losing for quite sometime now. I want to shake it off.

What do you think of dreams that can only tell of my fear of losing? It's a fear so intense that I do wake up with cheeks drenched in tears. Apparently, I've been crying and a heavy feeling had settled on my chest. Completely unnerving.

It wouldn't take too much to interpret the dreams. I dread the moment that I'd lose him. And the only known manner of losing a guy is that some other person will enter our lives and take him away from me. The other woman. Pah.

Oh, yes. I've been down that road before and I bloody well know I don't want to go traipsing that way again. Traumatic.

I've been working on ways to lose the fear. Been teaching both mind and heart to trust him and the God that holds our hearts and fate. Still am. Fervently. Incessantly.

However, I paused. Light went on in my head. And then a question.

What if my fear is not caused by the thought of him leaving me but I, him? Have I said what I wanted to say? Let him know how I truly feel? Will he be able to keep with him good memories?

The answers may perhaps help determine how much I truly lost... or won.